Adultery

ADULTERY

ADULTERY AND AFFAIRS

Adultery happens when a married person seeks out intercourse outside their marriage with another partner rather than their spouse. Affairs are usually considered as a general form of cheating whether there is a sexual relationship or just flirting. 

According to data collected in the national survey Relationships in America by the Austin Institute, 37% of respondents say their marriage ended because of adultery on either party and 28% due to spouse’s infidelity. 

Adultery and affairs are one of the most commons reasons for divorce and for couple’s seeking therapy. It’s not easy to deal with such a situation that involves losing trust over your partner. Once the trust is lost, it’s not easy to repair a relationship. 

WHY DID MY PARTNER BETRAY ME?

There are numerous possible reasons why a person commits adultery. For some, there’s a single triggering factor, while to others, it’s a combination of different sources that ultimately leads to a person betraying his/her spouse.

  • 1. Marital problems (it is not what a partner expected and totally different than during the courting period, being married to an abusive/alcoholic spouse, stale or sexless marriage, jealousy, drugs/alcohol, boring marriage, etc…)
  • 2. Diversity or outside interferences (family members, cultural background, religion, etc…)
  • 3. Conflicting interest and abandonment of personal ideas (each person has their own unique individual characteristics and traits. Telling your spouse not to do this or that usually leads to argument, resentment, and/or adultery)
  • 4. Being away from your spouse (working abroad, serving in the military, etc…)
  • 5. Curiosity, opportunity, or challenge to have an affair
  • 6. Unable to communicate one’s interests/needs – and failure to recognize or accommodate those of the partner’s
  • 7. Falling out of love with your spouse and into another person.
  • 8. Lack of appreciation leading to low self-esteem (which is unfortunately given by another. This may also be categorized as midlife crisis)
  • 9. Psychological addiction or uncontrolled lust for sex/romance.
  • 10. Finding happiness in another because there is no more joy in the current marriage.

DIFFERENT FORM/TYPES OF ADULTERY

Performing or participating in any of the activities below constitutes as adultery

  • circle Relationship ending affairs (an affair used as an excuse to end a relationship)
  • circle A love affair is when the two in the affair also have an an emotional connection
  • circle A physical affair is when it is done for purely physical reasons
  • circle Emotional affair is when a person becomes overly emotionally attached to another person

IS THE ADULTERER WORTH FORGIVING AND THE MARRIAGE WORTH SAVING?

As said before, adultery is considered by most of us as a serious trust breach. It’s a painful event in any marriage, especially if you have kids. However most people will answer the question: “Is your marriage worth saving?” with a sounded yes. 
And although you and your partner firmly believe it’s possible to try again, emotionally processing a betrayal (whether it’s an adultery or an affair) can be a long and hard-working process. Couple’s therapy can be of great help overcoming difficulties and helping the couple reconnect and communicate in a better way so that trust is re-gained.

Communication

COMMUNICATION

COMMUNICATION IN COUPLES

IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION

Every day, each person in the world communicates. From infants to the elderly – everyone is communicating in one way or another. Communication is a process that is both expressive (sender) and receptive (recipient). It can be accomplished through different mediums and is not limited to only human interaction. 

  • circle Verbally (direct human interaction)
  • circle Electronically (emails, instant messaging, etc…)
  • circle Gestures / Actions (the way we move or act sends out a message)

Aside from consciously or purposely sending out messages, communication can also be done unconsciously. A good example of this is people who are running or using the stairs – it sends out a message that they are in a hurry. 

Communication is an integral part of our lives – it influences our way of thinking, learning, and understanding of people and things. However, it is also important to remember that the way we communicate also affects other people’s perceptions and understanding of us.

COMMUNICATION FAILURE - HOW, WHY, AND ITS EFFECTS

Communication is basically defined as exchanging information. It involves two entities (a sender and a receiver). Unfortunately, “successfully” is not part of the equation. This is why even though all people communicate in different forms, some are not doing it correctly. Additionally, when messages are transmitted unconsciously, it can be perceived erroneously.

If the information is NOT transmitted or received on how it was intended – then it will result in miscommunication or failed communication. There are plenty of probable causes for this failure. Some possible reasons include the sender choosing the incorrect medium to transmit the information, the communication channel was broken, or the message was sent to the wrong person. The fault may also lie on the recipient’s side – they refused to communicate or listen, lack of attention, insufficient knowledge on the subject of information, gathering or reacting to information that is clearly not intended for them, etc…

Miscommunication may happen at home, at the workplace, in a relationship, and in social circles. Although communication barriers for one area may be different for the other, one thing is certain – miscommunication leads to misunderstanding. Sadly, this misunderstanding may possibly lead to conflict and argument.

BASIC COMMUNICATION RULES AND GUIDELINES

Some say that proper or effective communication is a skill. Yes, this is true – but there are also some simple rules to remember and guidelines to follow that work in many aspects of communication. Below are some basic communication skills that can be practiced to avoid miscommunication:

  1. Choose the best approach in sending the information. If it is confidential in nature, verbal might be the best approach. If it will be sent electronically, re-read the contents and be mindful of the tone of the writing / content.
  2. When receiving the message – listen and comprehend first before reacting.
  3. The communication must be easy to understand and direct to the point.