Anger is one of the basic human emotions. It is a natural response that is triggered when an individual’s interest has been violated or disrespected. The level of anger may depend on the source of the violation or how much damage has been done on one’s boundaries. A person usually becomes angry when he/she has been threatened or mistreated – and this may bring about feelings of hostility, unpleasantness, or annoyance.
Aggression can be defined as the intent to harm others, whether it’s a physical or an emotional/psychological form of aggression.
Some theorists claim aggression is an innate response to most threats and some people are naturally more aggressive than others. But other researchers defend aggression can be derived of a learning process – a form of education. Nonetheless, most aggressive responses are not socially accepted and may have serious repercussions on one’s life.
Intimate relationships are intense, private, and often feel secure. These ingredients can create an environment that leads to aggressive speech and behaviour. Unfortunately, abuse is surprisingly common in romantic relationships. For example, about 6% of women report experiencing domestic violence in their relationships. It should also be noted that educational attainment does not appear to influence the rates of violence. Of course, the actual rates of violence are unknown, because these type of behaviours are often never revealed.
Safety is the first priority when helping relationships that have experienced physical abuse. It is important to discuss what each partner can do to keep each other safe. Before engaging in a therapeutic process, it is important to have a commitment to stopping any physical violence. In fact, couples therapy is not recommended if violence cannot be stopped for the duration of the treatment. For couples in this situation, it would be important for each partner to engage in individual treatment to gain the skills required to have a safe relationship.
Understanding how the relationship functions over time is important. Often there is a cycle couples can identify that often involve elements of closeness, separation, frustration, triggers, violence, and apology. Although there are commonalities, every couple is unique and understanding this unique cycle can help couples to make changes that can stop they cycle’s progression.
Sometimes couples come into relationships with strong personality patterns that conflict. It can be helpful for some couples to take personality testing to help understand how their personalities interact. This can also help each partner to focus on what they are doing to contribute to the issues in the relationship.
Managing impulsive angry responses can be challenging. Therapy can help in gaining insight into the experiences that have contributed to using anger to cope with difficult situations. It can also help in identifying triggers for anger and changing responses. A sincere commitment to managing anger is important in this process.
Every relationship functions better when each person’s needs are being met. It can be difficult for partner to identify their own needs or communicate them effectively. It can also be difficult to hear the needs of your partner and actually follow through with meeting those needs. One of the major obstacles in this process is ongoing resentment. If you feel your partner doesn’t love you or doesn’t deserve to have their needs met, therapy can be important in resetting things and giving each other another opportunity to prove their love.
